Dear Men!!

Well, a couple of acknowledgements at the onset. One, I am not a die-hard feminist who is on a male-bashing spree. I function and write as a liberal who sees the world as it is, and people as they are irrespective of their gender and/ or any other bracket. Secondly, the recently concluded (and how) ICC World Cup has acted as a major stimulant to this post. While it was initially meant to be written keeping Indian/ desi men in mind and the paradigm shift our society is witnessing when it comes to men, but the turnout of events just made it go beyond them.

Patriarchy has forever been the natural way of working of the world. It has been prevalent not just in India but also outside in varying forms and degrees since whenever.

We have grown up seeing our grandfathers and then our fathers/ uncles as Men who were heads of families (by default); Men, who spoke less and barely EXPRESSED an emotion other than anger/ displeasure (forget about crying); Men whose word would be their clan’s command. Time gradually changed and with it (and a lot of other factors of course) the deep-rooted misogyny and traits of patriarchy mellowed down. But what continued was, Men still masking their emotion; Men still trying to (and the society wanting them to) portray themselves as someone who would stand tall, unaffected and take care of everything.

Not any more though! We have been witnessing a huge change in the way men have expressed their vulnerable selves on instances more than one. It comes as a welcoming change to see men putting their innate chauvinism aside as they’re willing to acknowledge, appreciate and apologize when needed. A jubilant Virat Kohli (ahead of WC 2019) happily credited wife AS for helping him grow as a person and a cricketer (even as a skipper to his team). We as a country almost cried with KL Rahul and Ravindra Jadeja on their dismissals. And finally the doomed final for the Kiwis saw a despondent Guptill breaking down inconsolably (when his ‘karmic’ run-out led to NZ losing the coveted cup by a hair-line margin) to an audience of both teams, stadium crowd and millions of viewers across the world. The Super Sunday that sports fans can’t forget saw a visibly disappointed Roger Federer as he lost the 5 hour long Wimbledon final to Djokovic.   

As a die hard Bollywood fan, how can I not mention this one? The recent flick ‘De De Pyaar De’ had an otherwise burly, roaring Ajay Devgan play a flawed man on screen. Devgan’s character acknowledges his lacunae of falling for a much younger girl; being the ‘smaller’ one in the relationship with his more matured & estranged partner Tabu and not having been a good husband & father. He doesn’t try to be heroic unnecessarily or wear his machoism on sleeve when it wasn’t required but effectively plays a goofy, imperfect character with élan.

It isn’t that anyone (women particularly) is deriving any sadistic pleasure in seeing the deep-rooted Patriarchy reverse its path in any way. But, it is just nice to see the kinder, softer and more expressive side of the male gender who smiles, talks, listens, apologizes more than he ever did and is not ashamed of breaking down either. It is pleasing to see the behavioral change among men who are more respectful and loving to their better halves, more hands-on & caring fathers, more engaging with their female colleagues and friends, thereby becoming more accessible and communicable.

Just like we are celebrating female professionals breaking those glass ceilings and going all out putting their best feet forward, how about celebrating men who are trying to be their honest, realistic selves, a right they have deserved since eons.

P.S.: This piece doesn’t try to delve into the bigger subject of diminishing gender boundaries but just touches a small aspect of it in a subtle way.